How different could the first years with Harbour have been if I had believed that I was worthy of something good? Or if I had been willing to risk gut wrenching pain in the future in order to enjoy the beauty of the present? I’ve grieved for countless moments that have been lost. I’ve beat myself up about it – for not seeing what was right in front of me, for being so afraid of losing him that I kept my heart at a distance. Every time I look at his baby pictures, I remind myself that, at the time, I thought he was so big and was already sad for what I had missed, what I felt I had lost. Looking back now, all I see is a snuggly, squishy little baby. There’s been a shift in perspective. One of the most important shifts is that I’ve decided to do my best to just be here with him now. I love Harbour more and more every minute. If ever I start to lose myself in the fact that he’s getting older, I now know that, eventually, I’ll look back on this very day and think that he was so young.